As I now understand it, it’s in large part due to coming from a dysfunctional background that
I’m finding myself starting to do and starting to pick up so many new hobbies and interests.
And I so often follow each of these with the tag: “started L A T E R I N L I F E “.
What is later? What was earlier? Was there a right time? A wrong time?
Up until my 30s, I could count on 1 hand the number of minutes I spent on a musical instrument.
Up until my 30s, I could count on 1 hand the number of minutes I spent seeking spiritual connection with the world.
Up until my 30s, I could count on 1 hand the number of minutes I spent genuinely tearing myself open in order to grow.
Up until my 30s, I could count on 1 hand the number of days I had felt meaning in the world and in myself.
If this is LATER, then what was EARLIER!?
If this is getting older, then why do I only feel younger?
What is what is what is what is any of this?
Happy to be alive
Happy to be here
Will be happy to be dead
Because I’m going to bed
Without feeling so much
of that existential dread.